I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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