I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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