im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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