I hate your face
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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