I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if only i could text you this smell
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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