Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
