Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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