I just pynch a tree in the face
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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