Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
