Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
