I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
