I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
