This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize