I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
