it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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