i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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