what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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