I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
