There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
