how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
