i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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