Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Watching her eat just hurts me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
