living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
