The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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