He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
