Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
