marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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