Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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