Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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