Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
