just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
