Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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