Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
