My nipple is on Facebook.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
