FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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