i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
