He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize