i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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