If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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