Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
