Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
