I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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