Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
