i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
