I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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