I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
