god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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