the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
