I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize