I've blown a few things in my day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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