Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
