New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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