oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
