I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
