i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
