At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
