I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
