Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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