I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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