I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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