im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
