It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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