wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
