there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
