This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
