Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
