at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
